June 1 1945
Now I can write what I have been wanting to write for a long time. I am leaving that horrible school at the end of July – forever.
On Tuesday last Brownsword* asked me if I had made up my mind to finish with my full time teaching, because he thought he could offer me one full day in addition to the three evenings I have already. I said I had been trying to decide, but that now he had spoken to me I had decided. So the next day I saw the Drage and in the evening I told Brownsword I could take the day, starting next September, if it was available. He said ‘That’s fine. I will arrange for you to start in September.’ It was done in a most charming way, with an understanding I deeply appreciate.
* Harold Brownsword (1885–1961), a sculptor and the headmaster at the Regent Street Polytechnic from 1938–1950. Editor
Just think. One day and three evenings, just enough to keep things going, and six days every week in which to paint. I have been wanting this for years. It’s not too late. I am happy. Everything depends on me now.
June 2 1945
Made a large drawing of the round table in the studio, with all the odds and ends it amuses me to keep on it. The case of birds, a little wooden lay figure, which I never use, books, papers, a vase, a dish, an ashtray.
June 3 1945
Depressed. Had an early lunch and went to sketch by the river. It all looked horrible and made me wonder how I had ever enjoyed painting there. Came home and at once started another drawing of the table, this time with an artificial carnation in a glass jar as a starting off point. I enjoyed it and lost my depression.
June 4 1945
Saw an exhibition at the Wilenstein Gallery. Very fine. I found myself preferring the British paintings, represented chiefly by Sickert, Whistler, Greaves, Gore, Mathew Smith, Innes and John, to the French – Utrillo, Bonnard, Segonzac, Matisse,Van Gogh; and of all the works the Whistler nocturne gave me the most pleasure. Immediately I was conscious of the mood, the atmosphere, the utter feeling of the scene – but how can I express it in mere words? With all the other works I felt the paint first, the mood afterwards, and that is the wrong way round. The flop of the show is Pasmore, although it was rather cruel to hang his ‘Wave’ immediately above the Whistler. The James Ensor is very lovely.
From the sublime I went to the Royal Academy. Here vulgarity and incompetence reign, almost unchallenged; but Ruskin Spear is good, so are a few of the John drawings. Kelly‘s royal portraits are amazing. He has compiled them as his namesake compiles his directory, nothing is omitted. The method does not work with painting. Too bad, Mr Kelly.
Had lunch with Lillian.
‘Cheyne Row’. I have made this too COLOURED, far too coloured. I will rub it down with glass paper and redraw it, then repaint. The shadows across the road are ridiculously purple. There is too much blue. The entire canvas needs reconsidering. I am inclined to think that in this case the blue underpainting was a mistake. White tinted with Indian red would have been far better.
Redraw with Indian red?
June 8 1945
Made three drawings from the nude this evening. The first, dull, the second sensitive but lacking in meaning; the third, although wild and even brutal in execution has got something which really pleases me.
June 9 1945
Sandpapered a good deal of the paint off the canvas of Cheyne Row – until the underpainting began to appear; then started to redraw it in varying mixtures of Indian Red and Blue. I have put in three figures; it needed them, and begins to look better already. I will work at it again tomorrow and possibly on Monday as well.
June 11 1945
Worked at the Cheyne Row today and yesterday. I am certainly learning a great deal from it, and very slowly, I am beginning to see something emerge. I have to pay the closest attention to my drawings. I must study them close to and also from a good distance off; only then can I get what I want from them. The colour sketch is nothing like so important.
June 16 1945
Did a number of drawings from a new model. Most of them were bad, only one might one day give me something.
June 17 1945
At last another sitting at the painting I commenced of Hanna sitting at the window in her room.
June 23 1945
Worked again at the painting of Hanna. A very questionable proceeding I fear, this painting from nature, from sitting to sitting; particularly in a sunny room. With a north light it is a different matter altogether. If I paint any more in her room, and I do want to, I must work smaller and complete in one working. I feel I have got something worth getting in this canvas but the light has played the devil with me, and I nearly ruined it this morning and only saved it by working at it here in the studio, without nature jumping about and distracting me so to speak. Four sittings, and I have to admit I have done all I can.
June 24 1945
Painted a little head of Leisel, and I worked pretty hard at it.
June 25 1945
Drew from the model. Then I foolishly started to try and improve one of the drawings and completely ruined it. So I tore it up. But I like the painting I did yesterday.
And I am very worried about the painting of Hanna. There is never enough time for her to sit, and it does want more doing to it.
July 2 1945
Yesterday I made a drawing in black and red for Everybody’s Weekly. I wonder if they will like it? Their paper and printing is so bad they will probably ruin it in reproduction. Anyway it was fun to do.
I have been working at the 24″ x 20″ of Cheyne Row. One day I am sure I will be able to paint really well from my drawings.
Saw Henry Rayner ‘s show of drypoints on Friday. Very, very good indeed.
July 7 1945
Did a few pencil sketches of a sky for the Cheyne Row; also a little panel which was so bad that I had to wipe it off.
They are going to use the drawing a did last Saturday. I am surprised. I will spend tomorrow at Cheyne Row. Must repaint the tree and the sky before anything else. Then there is the painting of Hanna. I want to go on with that. Next week I hope.
July 8 1945
I did not go on with Cheyne Row, instead I made a sketch in body colour and a drawing in black and white of the table with some flowers in a vase and the sofa covered with a shawl.
July 9 1945
Evening at the studio. Primed three wooden panels Robert gave me – a godsend. It is so beautiful and quiet here. I have been jumpy for the last few days, now I feel right again.
July 11 1945
A day off, so I worked at the Cheyne Row, repainting the sky and the trees and other portions. I am much more pleased with it now and I am quite sure it is better than the little oil sketch I painted out of doors.
Lillian sold another picture for me yesterday.
July 14 1945
Drew from the model yesterday. I could only try to get down the idea, the picture, each pose immediately gave to me. The results were wild and yet I prefer them to more careful drawings where the facts kill the idea. But I think one should produce both kinds of drawings. All the same an interesting model. Looks like one of the prostitutes I pass each evening in Maddox Street when I am on my way to The Polytechnic.
July 15 1945
Repainted the head in the picture of Hanna. Not easy, but a few more sittings and I think I will make something of this canvas. There is a lot to be done yet, and next time I want to paint the same sort of subject I will not paint from nature; drawings and a note for colour. All the same I can get something with the direct way which I invariably fail to get when I have not got the motif actually in front of me.
July 20 1945
A number of drawings from the model. I enjoyed myself.
July 22 1945
Made a sketch of two women in a room. For this I was able to use some of the drawings I have been doing recently. I did no work yesterday. Dentist, toothache, it put me off.
July 27 1945
I have seen the last of that ghastly school at Wimbledon. I must paint well. Now I will have time.
We have a model this evening.
Perhaps it served some purpose, that frightful school. It has taught me that one can purchase security too dearly. I will certainly need to sell my paintings for although the job at the Polytechnic, one full day and three evenings per week, is well paid there are nearly three months of holidays when I will get nothing. But I am happy about it all. I feel free again.
Leger, to whom I took a painting last Wednesday, was gloomy and predicted terrible things if Labour won. It would be very hard to sell paintings. Well Labour has won. I voted for them. I felt they were very, very definitely the lesser of two evils. I could not see even a glimmer of hope if Churchill and his crowd got in.
July 28 1945
Three drawings last night; two of them good and one passable – another one today.
Tomorrow I hope to go on with the painting of Hanna. I am very anxious to get it more advanced. It is in my mind.
July 29 1945
I think I have been able to get something into the painting. I will leave it as it is, but I intend to make a large charcoal drawing from it decorated, here and there, with colour. I feel I have got about all I can from the painting and dear Hanna has so little time.
July 30 1945
Worked at the drawing of two women; making use of some recent drawings from life.
July 31 1945
Went to Battersea and painted a sketch of the river with barges. A grey day, lavender grey, cold, lovely. Tide running out. Gesso primed board, toned pink (with a wash of Indian red). It brought up the greys so beautifully.
Part 36 ~ August – October 1945